oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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