I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
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