Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
