That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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