I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
