he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
