Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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