just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
