i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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