shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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