my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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