I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
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After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
They took my balls.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
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I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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