Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
