I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
