so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Randomize