Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Randomize
