my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
