mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
