I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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