I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
i believe in u and ur pee
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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