I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
