I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
