I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
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he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
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Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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