I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Randomize
