The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
