I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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