There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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