It's Friday. Sex?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
