If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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