I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
