as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
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Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
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I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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