Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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