He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
