dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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