Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
