I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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