i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
