but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
