I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
