There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think i peed on brittanys purse
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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