I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
