I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
