After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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