I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
