found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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