i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
