hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
