Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize