So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
