saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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