in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
