you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
It's blow job season.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
