I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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