One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
