You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
