Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
