its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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