last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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