my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
