I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
