Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
