I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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