Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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