He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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