You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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